Don’t You DARE Turn Me Into Something Acceptable

My anger is not the enemy. It is an ally, shaking me awake when I’m wrapped up in politically correct thoughts, when I gasp and shake my head when I write something bad about others in my journal. ‘Oh my God, how selfish I am. I cannot expect others to cater to my needs. I’m just going to detach until this rant is over and I can go back to my sane self.

wild woman

Well, NO. My anger is not going to let me go back to being sane. She keeps tugging at the chains of my prison, my low self-esteem.
I want you to buy a notebook and keep me with you everywhere so you can hear me. Stop trying to be some bloody saint. You are human with human needs and there is nothing wrong with that. Guess what, if others don’t take care of you by being friendly and being considerate of your needs they have NO PLACE in your life!!! You don’t have to mold yourself into something acceptable or hold yourself back. If I am angry it’s because I don’t feel respected and there is NOTHING shameful about that. Don’t you DARE turn me into something acceptable to please others. I will NEVER be conquered by any convention or politically correct behaviour.

Looks like I have some Kali energy in me that needs exploring. :) She also gave me some ideas on how to best employ my creativity and I can’t wait to get started on that. No matter how pissed off and seemingly self-centered she gets sometimes, I know that she is not the enemy. She’s an ancient force that pierces through any limitations that I place upon myself in order to fit in and keep myself small. It’s a comfort to know she’s looking out for me, making me look at the truth of things when I’m too busy being nice.

Wild woman 3

Morning Inspiration: That New Time

“It is for love’s sake yet more than for any other that we look for that new time…
Then when that time comes…when love is no more bought or sold, when it is not
a means of making bread, when each woman’s life is filled with earnest,
independent labour, then love will come to her, a strange sudden sweetness
breaking in upon her earnest work; not sought for, but found.”

– Olive Schreiner, The Story of an African Farm

wild flower

Meditation Reflection #1

Realisations during meditation
I hurt myself with my thoughts. It’s important to take a step back and to sit with myself in silence to feel that pain and to witness it happen, so I can better understand how my brain works. It’s important to take some distance from my thoughts and to feel the bodily sensations beneath them. It’s important to feel how my thoughts are affecting my emotional and physical well-being and how they are creating anxiety. Where do I give power away to others, leaving me feeling frustrated and helpless? Where do my thoughts block me from moving forwards and following my heart’s desires? Where am I sabotaging myself? Can I observe my thoughts without getting carried away? Can I come to a point of stillness where I am grounded in the truth of who I am?
When I take a step back I create a space for freedom from drama and therefore a window for change. That is the purpose of meditation for me. That’s why it’s necessary to take out those 30 minutes a day. I journal to hear my thoughts, I meditate to remember I am the ocean instead of the waves.

meditation

Morning Inspiration: On Solitude

“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

emma

You Are So Beautiful In All Your Softness

Be vulnerable, my dear, it’s ok.
You are so beautiful in all your
softness, in all your pain.
I do not have all the answers
I do not know what is to come.
But you can just rest here, you do
not have to be strong, or change
or sing yourself a lullaby of guilt
so you dose off, back to sleep, begging
to be unaffected.

I write to reach you, because I know
you suffer. I can practically touch your
unrest. I know you want to run off
into a distant future where everything
makes sense. I can see you trying
and lying to yourself time and time again.

It’s ok to be here, in this moment, as you
are, with all your to-do’s undone, with
all the books you haven’t read and all
the places in the sun you haven’t visited.
It’s ok…just rest. Feel your softness, feel
your magnificence. You are not a victim
but a powerful Soul, making your own
way.

Rest

Reblog Monday: Wholeness vs. Happiness

Originally posted on Milena's Gentle Rain:

Sometimes I hear people say that they are unable to love themselves. Or, that they have days they feel great but that they just can’t “keep it up”, as if loving yourself is equal to feeling happy all the time.

The kind of self-love I am talking about is raw, real, and honest. It’s not about finding an instant fix to all your problems and living happily ever after. It’s about living authentically and real. It’s about being whole. It’s about feeling your feelings, good or bad, and truly listening to your Soul. On this road there is no failure, because every feeling, every state of mind is there for a reason, a messenger to guide you further.

It’s about making time for yourself every day to check in on how you are doing, on the inside. It’s about feeling your heart, and finding the courage to follow its guidance…

View original 173 more words

Nachklang

Down the long white road we
walked together,
down between the grey hills and the heather,
where the tawny-crested
plover cries.

You seemed all brown and soft,
just like a linnet,
your errant hair had shadowed
sunbeams in it,
and there shone all April
in your eyes.

With your golden voice of tears and laughter
softened into song: ‘Does aught come
after Life,’ you asked,’When life is laboured through?

What is God, and all for which
we’re striving?’
‘Sweetest sceptic, we were born for living.
Life is Love, and Love is –
you, dear, you.

– Roland Aubrey Leighton (1895-1915) to Vera Brittain, April 19th 1914

How To Feel Our Feelings Instead of Stuffing Them

Eye-opening wisdom from Lisa A. Romano :)

For those of us from dysfunctional homes–the act of feeling our true feelings is often foreign. Because we have been brainwashed to worry more about what others think about us, than what we think about ourselves–we worry more about others feelings–for us–than we do about our feelings for them. We are stuck-do not understand why.

Very often the only emotions we CAN identify are negative–like rage–frustration–angst–fear–and disappointment.

There is a way out..it is a process…it does not happen over night…but if you never give up–you can learn to reprogram your mind.

You give sight, so let me see

I know nothing, I understand nothing
I am unaware of myself.
I am in love, but with whom I do not know.
My heart is at the same time both full and empty of love.
– Attar

During my writing, I realised that my outpouring was a sort of meditation on sūra al-Fātiḥa, the first chapter of the Qurʾān. For those who are interested, I will include the text of this chapter at the end. It feels amazing and sacred to me how I’m starting to process the Qurʾān from within, separate from any dogma which can grow so stale and removed from daily life. Islam was very important to me for a few years and although I don’t think I can ever go back to how I was then, that tradition continues to whisper to my core. I continue to take an active interest in Sufism, the mystical tradition of Islam to which that magical poet Rumi belonged. I do not know where life will take me, but I want to surrender to the Source of Love and His/Her infinite mercy.

My Beloved,
How far away from me you seem.
My heart is hurting from not knowing
you near me, from the absolute silence
during the night, pressing upon me
and from the mindless chatter of a world in
overdrive, during the day.

I want to know You, but I know You
are shy. You do not appear where you are
not welcome, where lips don’t mutter
Your name. So many names you have and
even then we forget! Pray, make me wakeful
to Your splendid love and do not let me
be amongst those who turn You away, blind
to their abundant and wonderous blessings
and cursing at what their hands have made.

Let me be amongst those who recognise You wherever
You appear, whether by a gentle, imperceptible touch
or the fierce storm that cleans out all the dirt and illusions
of people gone astray.
O gentle one, You who know me better than
I know myself. Fully, without the blind spots
that I have. You give sight, so let me see.

My Beloved, I do not exist without You
and the whole of my existence longs for You.
Every breath sings Your praise, O Sustainer of Life.
Please come near me, O shy one, and open my
eyes to all the idols I bow to instead of You.


Al-Fātiḥa (The Opening)
First chapter of the Qurʾān

In the name of God, Merciful to all, Compassionate to each!
Praise be to God, Lord of the Worlds:
Merciful to all,
Compassionate to each!
Lord of the Day of Judgement.
It is You we worship, and upon You we call for help.
Guide us to the straigth path,
The path of those upon whom Your grace abounds,
Not those upon whom anger falls,
Nor those who are lost.

Translation by Tarif Khalidi

The Journey Towards the Food of Life

Sometimes it’s hard to look behind the rubble
that others have build for you, piece by piece.
We see a mountain we can’t climb,
a tempest we can’t face.
It’s so hard to leave our cave.
The stony walls a powerful buffer
against anything that might come from outside.

We fumble with some dry twigs to light a fire
and gulp down the few drops of water
tumbling down from the ceiling.
Dear one, even Plato knew your state of mind
so intimately.

You don’t have the ingredients to cook a life
yet you keep bravely trying, you keep stirring
the empty pot.
I’m not asking you to grow a pair of wings
to fly above the ruins of your broken heart.
If you needed wings, the Beloved would have
given them to you, and make the sky surrender
to your flight.
No, I’m asking you to step towards the mountain
and use your nose to investigate.
Who knows, the mountain and the rain and the wind
that wants to blow your prison away
might have a friendly face and a gentle song
to lighten your way.

When you arrive to the dreaded forest
filled with creatures crawling in mud
take a moment to notice the buds
growing into deep green leaves
and how the ancient trees speak your name.
Know that here, beyond all things rational and orderly
Life and death is not what it seems.

Yes, the scary looking hag is waiting for you
She has a pot filled to the brim with life.
Yes, she might eat you alive and spit you back out
free from everything that used to paralyse you into
dwelling the land of of shadows before your time.

Ask the troll with the sharp ax what makes him get up
in the morning
and the black wolf where he hides his food.
It’s very possible that they’ll make you fight for the answer
and shake out everything that is not of instinct.

You have a voice to speak and ears to hear.
Eyes to see and a heart to feel.
Don’t assume that wild creatures are the enemy.
Remember that here, behind all things rational and orderly
life and death are not what they seem.