Change and lives that went missing

Where do I go from here?
Feels like I’m pulling on a leash,
further and further
until the moment comes
When I have pushed too far,
wanted to change too much,
and inescapably,
my world will be
propelled back
to the exact spot
from where I once came.

Breaking free
A constant battle
banishing the old
like a lover
no longer welcome
banging on your door.
It messes with your senses
A hazy mind
Pay attention now
Don’t clutch at the wrong straws.

A light in the darkness,
A dark friend,
A magpie in all its glory
the sacred alchemy
of black, blue and white.
Ever wondering
Should you embrace
your darkness or your light?

The darkness feels a little gentler now,
warm like a humid cave
Nourished by the womb of the earth.

Blinded, desperate, cast away,
you grasp at the parts of you
that went missing a thousand years ago.

An overdue letter to the Beloved

My dear Beloved,

We have been distant lately, You and I.
Or should I say, I have been distant from You,
drawing walls and veils between us,
for You are always there, 
present, ready, patient, loving
like a mother watching her child play
with toys she’ll forget about tomorrow.

Oh, how people talk about You!
Making others blind to reality, to your Love,
to your gentle caress, subtle as a touch of wind. 
I fell for it, I withdrew, believing I did not need You.
But I am here now, ready to remember once more. 
I smile because You knew
and You waited for me right at this spot in time
Nothing but Your Love remains, my gentle friend.


The Elixir of Life

I breathe in the elixir of life
Every moment so precious
Every colour so vivid and alive
The scent of flowers gently carried 
by the wind
When I slow down 
I can hear nature’s heartbeat
in the midst of pure silence
In that moment, I am whole again.

My Beloved is with me
reminding me to truly see
to truly breathe
to truly know
to truly love

If you can’t go to sleep

if you can’t go to sleep
my dear soul
for tonight
what do you think will happen

if you pass your night
and merge it with dawn
for the sake of heart
what do you think will happen

if the entire world
is covered with the blossoms
you have labored to plant
what do you think will happen

if the elixir of life
that has been hidden in the dark
fills the desert and towns
what do you think will happen

if because of
your generosity and love
a few humans find their lives
what do you think will happen

if you pour an entire jar
filled with joyous wine
on the head of those already drunk
what do you think will happen

go my friend
bestow your love
even on your enemies
if you touch their hearts
what do you think will happen

- Rumi


How to truly embody your life

Yesterday we talked about the importance of embodied experience in creating positive change in your life. Today I’d like to give you a suggestion on how to best stay present with your experience, so that you can get in touch with your feelings and needs in any given situation. 

Based on my own experience, I find that a daily meditation practice helps me greatly. Normally, when we go through our day and encounter different challenges, we don’t always take the time to process our emotions fully. They stay right beneath the surface, giving us a vague sense of uneasiness. Our first instinct, in order to avoid pain and unpleasantness, is to turn our attention away from ourselves towards some form of occupation, whether it be work or some form of entertainment. This is an unconscious mode of living, which makes the cycle of learning and going through the same experiences time and time again much longer than it needs to be. Our patterns remain the same and we give our power away to others by not turning within and nourishing ourselves with our own inner wisdom. 

There is another way, though. We can choose to carve out some time each day to be fully present with ourselves. We can sit in silence, breathe, and focus our attention completely on how we are feeling. This can be quite challenging sometimes, especially when intense sadness, anger, resentment and fear come up. We don’t always know what to do with these “negative” emotions. In these instances it’s good to remember that emotions are actually different forms of energy and that the most harmful type is static energy, locked up and unmoving. When we allow ourselves to feel all of our emotions, they start moving around, seeking release. We can release sadness by letting ourselves have a good cry. We can release anger by hitting some pillows or growling like a lion (yes, growling) and coming into contact with the strength of a lion as well. The lion is often depicted as king of the animals. Do you feel like you are the king/queen over your own life? What are the ways in which you give power over your life to others, and how can you reclaim it?
I have to admit that anger is a difficult emotion for me, but it’s very valuable as a message about our own well-being. Anger is often a sign that our boundaries have been crossed in some way, so we can take some time out and give some thought to our concept of healthy boundaries and how we can speak up for ourselves in a constructive way. 
We can also stay present with fear and allow ourselves to fully feel and own it. Fear is often unconcious, so when you make the true root of your fear conscious, that act alone makes it lose much of its power over you. 

Important in all this is to remain patient and gentle with yourself. It’s not because you are feeling “negative” emotions instead of peace and bliss during meditation that something has gone wrong. Not at all. It’s so healthy and healing for us to feel everything and to allow everything. I notice that when I truly listen to my body throughout these intense feelings and bravely stay present, that my sweet body rewards me with a deep, content, healing silence where I feel completely whole and at peace. This leads me to believe that all your inner self wants is a listening ear, someone who will sit with her/him through the rough times and hold their hand. You don’t need to panic on how you are ever going to get rid of these bothersome emotions, you just need to trust in the wisdom of your body and know that your presence is much appreciated. You’ll be more in touch with what you truly want and need, and this in turn gives you the tools to create a happy, fulfilling, blissful life, without resentment.

Further Reading:

For all those who are struggling with expressing anger, I strongly recommend Harriet Lerner’s book ‘The Dance of Anger’. It’s very practical and has given me a LOT of valuable insights in how to effectively express myself and my needs.

If you find the traditional meditation methods a little dry, or you just want a pleasurable, sensual and profound initiation in meditation, I can heartily suggest ‘Meditation Secrets for Women’ by Camille Maurine and Lorin Roche. I’ve had this book for quite some time and it has proven to be a real treasure.