An excerpt of something I’m writing (not sure yet how it’s going to turn out)
P.S. I like to write about love and relationships. ^^
How curious is the case of a girl who’s in love. Of course, she will wonder at the concept of love and the distinctions that can be made. She’s well aware that an early attraction, no matter how it burns her heart, is not the same kind of love as two people sharing a mutual bond, thereby transcending themselves and creating a space between them so potent it can bring forth new life, in all meanings of the word. Still, in a moment of excruciating self-honesty, she believes all the love in the universe is right there, softly pulsating in her heart, waiting for him to touch it and make it come alive. To her, her beloved is like a universe in himself, wrapping his presence around her, penetrating her every thought, without even having to know she exists. She denies it, she despairs at her own mental health, she condemns herself for her silly emotions – and yet there is no escape. The burning of a dreamer’s heart continues into eternity. She recognizes her beloved in different forms, different bodies, never quite being able to grasp his essence and put a stop to the crazy roller coaster. She has loved a lot of men from a distance, always finding a new appreciation for their divergent characters and a new glitter of life in the dark caverns of their eyes. Like a magpie, she has an impeccable talent for spotting glittery gold in others, even when it’s buried under several layers of mud. Her white side wants to dig up that gold and weave it together with the beautiful colors of their mortal and fallible humanity. She’d mould their bodies anew as the goddesses of old and give them immortal life if she could. But magpies are nothing if not made of darkness too.
Of course she has read all the theories, explanations, rationalizations about that age-old human experience. It’s only herself she seeks in others, the books warn her. Burning for love is nothing but burning away all the layers of illusion until your own essence is revealed. Look in the mirror, sweetheart, and discover who you are, instead of always yearning for his presence, for him to stand still for one moment and look you in the eyes. The beloved will always remain elusive.
A determined nod. A vow to change course, to be unaffected, even to renounce all that silliness known as romantic love. A hardening of heart. Her burning, yearning, ancient, knowing heart.
But what a vain and in vain enterprise it is for a girl of such intensity.
It’s not long before his physical presence unleashes every wayward feeling from under the heavy rock she thought she had buried her foolishness under. She can sense him from a distance, his very being there an attack on her body, leaving her reeling in confusion and burning need. She clutches at the remains of her sanity, the effort being the only thing stopping her from breaking the insufferable tension and doing something stupid. She’d rather die than letting him see anything of the torment raging inside her soul. So, she meets his eyes and politely answer his questions, all the while dying a little on the inside.